Setting up a boundary with those who are boundaryless makes them feel abandoned. Individuals without boundaries may find even moderate distances threatening. Conversely, those who use walls as boundaries feel exposed and vulnerable when asked to lower them.

As you transition to healthy boundaries, the initial discomfort of vulnerability will ultimately lead to deeper, more genuine connections with others.​ Healthy boundaries are essential for balanced relationships and protect against feeling too exposed or too enclosed; They honor each person’s autonomy in interdependence.

Resentment is like taking poison in the hope that your enemy will die. Resentment and self-pity, though normal when we’ve been wronged, can become toxic when based on false victimhood. Recognizing and addressing these feelings is crucial. Holding onto resentment over minor slights or misfortunes turns into self-inflicted poison, making us our own tormentors. Embrace self-awareness and let go of unwarranted resentment to foster healthier relationships.

Getting esteem from someone else never creates self-esteem. If we don't esteem ourselves, we can't believe another can love or esteem us. If we believe we are worthless, nobody is going to be able to convince us that we are lovable and have inherent worth.

True self-esteem is generated from within, stemming from our awareness of our inalienable and unvarying worth. It is not subject to the vagaries of others' judgments. The esteem we receive from others is external and variable, but self-esteem remains constant when it is rooted in our own self-awareness and inner validation.

A relationship with an unconscious person is impossible. Relational health requires both parties to be conscious and self-aware. If one partner is an active substance abuser or remains ignorant of their traumatic past, relational health cannot be achieved. True connections are built when both individuals are capable of understanding and overcoming their compulsions, enabling them to engage fully and authentically in the relationship.

A new relationship cannot begin until you have grieved the last relationship. Grieving only stops when it is fully processed. Entering a new relationship before fully grieving the previous one results in unresolved thoughts and emotions affecting the new relationship. Starting anew requires complete emotional closure with the past to avoid manipulative exit strategies and ensure a healthy, non-relational connection.

Sex is not the equivalent of a handshake or emptying your bladder. It is easier to engage in sex without vulnerability, but this can become a harmful habit, affecting even intimate relationships. Using sex to introduce yourself to someone compromises self-care, as it requires a level of emotional vulnerability that is dangerous with strangers. Sex should not be a convenient discharge but a meaningful connection.

Marriage and kids tend to intensify existing problems rather than solve them. It is about committing to a person and a relationship, not about improving things. Entering into marriage with the expectation of fixing issues is misguided. The key to a successful marriage lies in the strength and quality of the relationship itself, first and foremost. Healthy communication, mutual respect, and continuous effort are essential. The wisdom is, "Everything in a marriage is improved by a strong relationship".