Are you feeling disconnected from your partner? Wondering if the love that once brought you together is slowly fading away? Hi, I'm Myriam Bideau, a couple's coach and therapist since 2009. I've been guiding couples through their challenges in my office near Lyon and through my distance coaching program for many years. In this blog post, I'll share with you the five indicators that signify your relationship is in a rough patch, perhaps showing that love is no longer present. My aim is to help you make a concrete assessment of your relationship and take the necessary steps to address these issues.
1. Love needs more than just love
It sounds a bit strange, but just loving each other isn’t always enough to keep a relationship strong. Relationships are like plants; they need sunlight, water, and good soil to grow. That means putting in effort, caring for each other's needs, and choosing every day to be together. Understanding this can help you and your partner work together to keep your relationship healthy and happy.
2. The 'Four Horsemen' Have Arrived
John Gottman, a renowned therapist, identified contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, and criticism as four major indicators of a failing relationship. These "Four Horsemen," as he calls them, are red flags that, when present, predict the end of a relationship in over 90% of cases based on clinical studies. However, their presence is not a death sentence for the relationship; overcoming them requires conscious effort and learning.
3. When Respect Starts to Slip
Respect is the quiet, powerful engine of love, and it's crucial in a relationship. Not respecting your partner's time, personality, or differences shows a lack of mutual respect. The respect for each other is a reflection of self-respect, and when we lift that, we elevate our relationship from surviving to thriving.
4. Listening-Truly listening
Listening, really listening, can sometimes feel like a lost art. Myriam's journey with couples shows that when we stop listening, we stop understanding, and slowly, the bridge between hearts starts to wobble. She encourages us to listen not just with our ears but with our hearts, to make space for each other's truths, dreams, and even fears. Listening is a skill that requires practice and intention. It involves opening your heart and making space for your partner, free from defensiveness or preconceived notions.
5. Focusing on personal wounds
Lastly, Myriam touches on something deeply personal—the wounds we carry.
Being caught up in your own emotions and stories to the point where you're closed off to your partner indicates a loss of connection. This often leads to ignoring each other, sometimes out of spite, indicating a lack of self-love and love for the other. Facing these wounds together, she suggests, can turn them from barriers into bridges.
Moving Forward: Actively Working on Your Relationship
These indicators are a call to action, not a sign that it's too late to improve your relationship. It's entirely possible to learn and grow from these challenges. If you recognize any of these signs in your relationship, it may be time to seek support.
Noticing these signs doesn't mean the end but a beginning—a chance to rebuild, reconnect, and reignite. I invite you to reach out, share our stories, and remember that the tapestry of relationships, every stitch of effort to mend and nurture adds strength and beauty.
Love is a journey, not a destination. It's about growing together, through the storms and the sunshine, always remembering that the most beautiful views come after the hardest climb.
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